sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
