New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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