atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
