can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
