In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
