I showed him my bush... on skype.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
