It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
