He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
worst night to have a conscience
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
