he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
