it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
