oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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