And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
as a side note pls kill me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
