she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
