put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
