I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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