Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
