Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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