Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
