Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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