Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
