when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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