ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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