ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
