before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
