i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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