I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
