I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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