Four minutes until I can fart!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
