We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
