What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
