Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
