I'm lost and stupid without you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
