just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
