so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
