I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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