How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He passed out mid-signature
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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