What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
