We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
