Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
