Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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