No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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