We need to rekindle our bromance
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
