just come out here and I will go home with you...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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