No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
