my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
