omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
