no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
