I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
