Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
