I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
