they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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