Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
