At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
