Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
