I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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