Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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