I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
